I’ve always wanted to be a mom.

I’ve wanted to be a mom since as long as I can remember.

Actually, I wanted to be a “mommy cat”. Growing up my own mom told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. I thought being a cat would be great. Cats could sleep all day in the sun.
25 years later….I still wish I could be a cat when I grow up because sleeping in the sun all day sounds amazing. Alas, I’m a human.

All that to say, even in my cat fantasy, I was going to be a mom.

In high school I told everyone I wanted to be the CEO of my own company. But my secret dream was to be a stay at home mom with 5 kids.

Kids came quicker than expected when my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant when I turned 21. We had been dating since we were in grade 11 and we were headed down the marriage road. But still, pregnancy when you just teeter on adulthood is …. a lot.

Long story short, I’m married with 3 beautiful, wonderful, amazing, chaotic, independent, wild kids.
For me, motherhood has been like a roller coaster. Exciting as I strapped myself into the car. Slow and steady as I clicked up the first hill – even seeing beautiful sights from this new height. Then the drop. Everything feels like it has become out of control. Life is moving faster and faster and I haven’t been able to catch my breath.

Finances, clutter, how have screamed at my kids when I am exhausted, my body image, my marriage, my self-confidence, my sense of self. My life sort of feels like it’s in a spiral.

So join me. I’m trying to find me again. I’m trying to take back control of this messy beautiful life that I am so grateful to be living. I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling the way I have been. I believe it’s possible to build a motherhood even if it’s just in front of this screen.

Thanks for being here. xoxo

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